I think one of he hardest parts of coming back for me personally is accepting that my experience and time in Peru is over. I don't even know if I'm completely there yet. To be living somewhere so long and to grow so accustomed to my way of life there, coming back is a complete slap in the face in a lot of ways. There's no real way to transition slowly, gracefully or continue to living in the way and pace I had been. That, in my opinion, makes the transition worse because there are so few things that I can keep with me, keep the same.
2 weeks ago I travelled to Detroit for a mini re-entry retreat with the other international volunteers, and a welcome back celebration. Here are 2 things I learned (or was reminded of):
1. Silence and silent reflection are AMAZING!!
--We took a little over 24 hrs in silence on the retreat to intentionally reflect, journal, pray, whatever...it was good.
2. I am not alone.
--Marcia, our co-directior of Cap Corps handed me a sheet summarizing from an article written by Jack Sullivan some advice for people coming home. They included (with what went through my mind as I was reading)
1. Give yourself the time and opportunity to realize that your absence from your previous assignment is not temporary. (hey...I haven't done that...I keep saying that it feels like a vacation)
2. Make an effort to renew old friendships in your new surroundings, or begin to seek out new ones (been avoiding that one...)
3. Be patient as you learn and adapt to anew situation. (Really?!? patience again?!?!)
4. Don't wait for other to ask you to tell your story. Ask someone to sit down with you and just listen to you (nope...haven't done that yet, but it would help)
5. Persist in daily prayer - give it priority time (well at least there's one thing on this list that I have done. Thank you God!)
6. Schedule time to allow for rest, relaxation, exercise, enjoyment and fun! (with what money!?!?)
7. Find a place or a group of persons where you can feel at home. (is that possible here in the US?)
As I was reading this, I realized that all of those where things that I needed to do and would benefit from. It was also sooo very helpful to know that other people also needed to read these and whatever I am experiencing is quite common.
On top of that, I have my Cap Corps family, the other volunteer who have lived in Peru, and the ones who are still there, not to mention those domestic volunteers past and present. I am eternally grateful for these people in my life.
Oh...and I cannot forget my family, who have been and continue to show unconditional love and patience in my journey of life.
Accepting that something so wonderful in your life has ended is hard, but I also think figuring out what the 'what comes next' part is just as difficult. Here's what I know about my future:
-I want to continue serving.
Please do not ask me about my art history major and if I am going back to pursue a career in art history, unless you want me to punch you, because I am not. I do not feel it would do justice to the people I've met and I just don't have interest in working in that field. I want my next job to still be of service in some sense, be it directly working with people or working in an organization that serves.
-I want to serve joyfully.
This is something I have learned not only from my time in Peru, but also from the little reading have done about Blessed Theresa of Calcutta. You (I) have a choice to be joyful. It is not always easy, but it is always an option. I would like to learn to always serve joyfully even when life is hard. So I give you, yes you, permission to gently punch me (or another nice way of reminding me) if I am not joyful to help me on my way.
What else can I say, but to thank you for walking on this ongoing journey with me and continuously sending your thoughts and prayers my way. I believe (hope) I am a better version of myself because of all of this and I am so thankful to God for allowing me to grow so much and to have experienced and continue to experience so much of His love.
I leave you with a prayer that I used numerous times in Peru.
love,
Jeanette
PROPHETS OF A FUTURE NOT OUR OWN1/
It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the
magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete,
which is another way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection, no pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces effects far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything,
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning,
a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,
ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
1/ Written by Fr. Ken Untener (later Bishop Untener, bishop of Saginaw) for John Cardinal Dearden; given by John Cardinal Dearden as a homily at Blessed Sacrament Cathedral, Detroit, October 25, 1979.
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