Saudade is: a unique Galician-Portuguese word that has no immediate translation in English. Saudade describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. It often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return. It's related to the feelings of longing, yearning.
My Brazilian friend was teaching me this word as I was spending some of my vacation with here in Vitoria, Brazil. It unique because there is no real English word that describes saudade in its entirety. And while I could tell you that I now have saudade for Brazil and it's glimmering beaches, and the joyfulness that seems to exude from all Brazilian people, I would be lying. Don't get me wrong, vacationing in Brazil was amazing, but I don't have saudade for Brazil, I have saudade for something that has been a much bigger part of my life.
This is the part for me where it becomes hard to write exactly how I feel. It's not a matter of me not knowing what I feel, it's me wanting to be sure that I do justice to my feelings with words. So bear with me please :)
I am finishing up my time in Peru, after 18 months. All I have left to do is to pack up my bags. I finished working at Ciudad de los Niños on Christmas eve and then said good-bye to the boys on Christmas morning when they left for vacation. It was an extremely blessed time for me; and I mean that in it's fullest sense. God was really good, and gave me lots of laughter, hugs, smiles and very few tears while having to say good-bye. I was and still am thankful for that joyful time because I was able to say goodbye joyfully rather than sorrowfully. Then the hard part came: vacation.
It has been a very difficult and interesting transition from working to not. It has been hard for me to fully accept that I will not be going back to what has been my routine for a year and a half. I think I can best explain it by saying that working at Ciudad de los Niños have been such a life giving experience; it's hard to imagine doing something different.
A large part of my struggle to depart has been the realization that I will not be seeing the faces of the boys anymore, and that includes the ones that drove me the craziest, too! I would say I have saudade for the life that I was living with the boys. It was hard, I learned a lot, and loved what I was doing.
My Brazilian friend was teaching me this word as I was spending some of my vacation with here in Vitoria, Brazil. It unique because there is no real English word that describes saudade in its entirety. And while I could tell you that I now have saudade for Brazil and it's glimmering beaches, and the joyfulness that seems to exude from all Brazilian people, I would be lying. Don't get me wrong, vacationing in Brazil was amazing, but I don't have saudade for Brazil, I have saudade for something that has been a much bigger part of my life.
This is the part for me where it becomes hard to write exactly how I feel. It's not a matter of me not knowing what I feel, it's me wanting to be sure that I do justice to my feelings with words. So bear with me please :)
I am finishing up my time in Peru, after 18 months. All I have left to do is to pack up my bags. I finished working at Ciudad de los Niños on Christmas eve and then said good-bye to the boys on Christmas morning when they left for vacation. It was an extremely blessed time for me; and I mean that in it's fullest sense. God was really good, and gave me lots of laughter, hugs, smiles and very few tears while having to say good-bye. I was and still am thankful for that joyful time because I was able to say goodbye joyfully rather than sorrowfully. Then the hard part came: vacation.
It has been a very difficult and interesting transition from working to not. It has been hard for me to fully accept that I will not be going back to what has been my routine for a year and a half. I think I can best explain it by saying that working at Ciudad de los Niños have been such a life giving experience; it's hard to imagine doing something different.
A large part of my struggle to depart has been the realization that I will not be seeing the faces of the boys anymore, and that includes the ones that drove me the craziest, too! I would say I have saudade for the life that I was living with the boys. It was hard, I learned a lot, and loved what I was doing.
I have saudade for knowing the normality and constancy of the work, something that the near future does not hold. If I am to be honest, I am nervous for life back in the US. That is just no because I won't have a job, that's only part of the equation. It is trying to find a way, a good way, to live out what I have learned and experienced in the last 18 months, while readjusting to a different rhythm of life.
While I will have saudade for so many things in Peru. I would like to finish off my post with 2 things. Some pictures of the boys and a list of things that I will not have saudade for.
These things include:- being handed a polat at meals where the main course is some variety of potato with the other half of the plate being rice.
- fried chicken liver
- Rice with every meal
- tyring to find a restaurant where there is more than one option with no rice or potato
- the smell of the boys bathroom in the morning before cleaning
- the smell of certain boys' lockers where they keep their clothes
- having fungus infected feet and hands in my face
In the end, saudade is a good thing to have and while it is hard to move on, I figure it God has given me something this good and it's ending, I am pretty confident that something pretty wonderful awaits in the future.
bendiciones,
Jeanette
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